17 Jan 2016

Dear Watson,

I think I'm finally coming to the realisation that things won't ever be how I imagined them to be. We left high school and I had every intention to stay close and in contact but things seemed to change too much. I don't think I ever did realise that it wouldn't work out as I'd hoped. I mean, it's been over a year and there's still murmurs of hope in the back of my mind. 

I'm not one to pass the blame but I think you were one of the mine reasons I couldn't seem to move on from high school. I guess I thought if things stayed the same, we would stay the same. I think you made me empty promises that I was too naive to believe. I'm yet to really forgive you for that but, at the same time, I don't blame you.  

It was obvious we were so different- polar opposites. I'd sit inside at lunch and read my book while you'd be out talking to your friends, playing football. I guess it was kind of  a 'closet' friendship in a sense- something we only kept to ourselves and, to this day, people are surprised to hear how close we actually were. I kind of liked that then. But now? I'm sat here thinking... were you embarrassed?

At the time I was blind to it because I was too busy laughing at pointless jokes you'd tell me. Our texts were filled with banter and secrets sharing parts of our life we didn't even realise we had. But then. School came and we hardly uttered a word when we were in a group. 

It's obvious one of us was more invested in the friendship than the other and it's not hard to tell which one of us that is. I mean, who's writing this stupid letter?

I tried, I really did but I started to feel like a nuisance. Our chats went from jokes to empty conversations like the kind you'd have with that next door neighbour you see once or twice a year. Something changed in that year after high school with you and I guess I didn't really fit into that change. 

I could never hate you. Not even slightly dislike you. You were too close to me to turn years of friendship into a bad memory;something of hatred. I'd never turn my back on you and I don't think you'd ever do that to me either.

Right now, you're happy. I can tell.That makes me even happier because you deserve it. As I go off and you stay here, I hope one day we reconnect, reminisce about old teachers and have another of oue in depth discussion of a film's pros and cons. Just like we used to. 

I really am happy for you and I seriously thank you for every time you made me laugh. I don't think I ever told you that- that the time you spent talking to me really made a hell of a difference .
More than you ever knew.

Sarah x

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