4 Feb 2016

I remember the first few years of primary and oh how I admired you. The way you waltzed around the playground, I envied you. How everyone wanted to be your friend, be your partner in PE, sit next to you at dinner. You were my best friend but to you I was just another sheep. 

Onto high school and nothing really changed. I felt like you accepted me more but I guess I knew you felt like you were worth more than being friends with me. I mean, the constant teasing about how I dressed, telling me that I basically had to drop a few pounds was a bit of a giveaway you didn't think I deserved your friendship. Comparing it to mean girls, you were basically Regina George but the difference is, she grew out of it. 

By year 9, I started to distance myself. You were in between boyfriends and were interested in parties while I stuck to what I knew: books and music. By Year 10 I knew I was just a charity case for you, a little side project as it were. It was so obvious. I was just your councellor. I still care a lot about you and I would never turn you away when you needed help but the fact you felt you had to say one day that you felt you "made a lot of time for me" made me realise there was no hope for this so called friendship.

But while I realised I no longer wanted to follow you around and be dragged down by your endless drama, you didn't seem to understand why I didn't want to be friends with the gorgeous social butterfly that is yourself. You still carried on. Even though I finally started to find new friends, you still tried to keep me under your spell. The stupid thing is though is that I let you- it was like a comfort blanket for me. I spent my last year of high school still wasting my time.

I hate to say this  but it's been a blessing going to different colleges. It's given me chance to grow and experience what I want to experience and not what you think I should. I've not had to deal with your constant remarks and now, every six months when you seem to feel it's your duty to try and arrange plans with those that genuinely cared about you, I laugh because you decided to leave us behind and really you have no intention with following through with those plans. I look at my phone and I laugh. I did it just the other week when you cancelled. I knew you would. You cancelled and hour before and you know what? While 2012 me would have been sat at the edge of her bed ready and excited to go out 3 hours early, I was still in my pyjamas 30 minutes before we were supposed to meet.

It's sad that those who came running to you at the click of a finger have grown up and moved on while you still seem to think you have power over us. You haven't changed. 

This letter seems so negative and I don't want it to be just that. Please know, I would never ignore you because the 13 years we knew each other were filled with amazing memories like the time you came away with my family, the sleepovers where we couldn't stop laughing at the stupidest things. You did teach me a lot and have influenced a lot of my personality today and when I do see you every once in a while, I can't help but realise how much I've missed. But no longer am I a lost sheep in need of a shepherd and maybe it's time you realised popularity isn't everything especially if it stops you being yourself. 

Also, know that, for me and you, this probably isn't a good bye forever. We finally saw each other last week after a year but for me it's a good bye to our past friendship because things have changed for me and, from what we've spoken about, they've changed for you too.We're no longer how we used to be and I think that's fine. 

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