21 Aug 2016

Like a book, life seems to be split up into chapters. Chapters of which I've shared with you and I've felt comfortale telling you about. Some people think, or most people think, that you're life is one whole story and everyone's story ends at the end of your life.

But, I don't agree with that entially. Instead, I say that life isn't split up into chapters but more volumes with many stories encorporated into one life- a sequel persay- and  I think I'll be starting a new volume soon. It's not a completely new book as loose ends from the former volume will still be found in the next book. Somethings aren't finsished, finito, done- some plot points will continue on. 

I'm starting a new storyline as I move to university  andaway from home; leaving friends behind, family. I'm the protagonist for my own story and it's time that I move on to a new vollume Yeah, there will be cameos of those from the last book but mostly it will be new; a new experience, a new part of my life. I always thought when you move forward there will be no loose ends. I hate fnishing a book with questions of the character still in my head but that just  not the reality of a situation. 

I've accepted that things aren't always complete; even after saying goodbye, some instances aren't final. Having said that, I want to close as many doors as I want to before moving on. I feel like I've already started to do this and I want this to carry on so I won't be hating finishing this edition of my story on a cliffhanger with questions remaining unanswered.  

My life is many stories; some short and some being stonking huge year-long-100-page-stories that are hard to get through but once they're over you feel a sense of accomplishment for getting the done. I'm happy to carry on writing other stories for myself as I control my own story. I can write my own future as what I do is down to me. 

As I move forward I know things are going to change. I've struggled with this in the past, I know, but I've finally accepted that things have changed drastically and...urgh... it boggles my mind to look back at the past and see the difference of then and now. I'm finally accepting that these changes have made me happy and that the change has left me how I am now for a reason. 

I hate when people say "everything happens for a reason" as it's often said in a situation where it's the last thing you want to hear but, right now, it feels good to say that everything does in fact happen for a reason; it's a good thing and not to be afraid of. While I do feel in control of my own life, I can't determine everything that will happen. I don't want to sound ridiculous by saying it but there is something beyond my, your, anyone's control that drives us to be who we are at certain points in our lives. Something's you can't control. You can't force people to stay the same. You can't force people to stick around. You can't force yourself to do something you really do not want to do. 

I've accepted that now. I've moved on. 

As friends have left and those who I woud once called strangers have entered my life, I've been happy with my situation. 

For many, including myself, the future is a scary, scary thought but, for me, I'm getting there. And I'm getting there as fast as I can. I have no doubts I will slip up on the way- hey, I'm only human. With that though, I've come to realise, when future situations will occur that I'm unsure of the outcome, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel 

I think it's time for me to move forward. Like I said, as I do this, parts of my past will stay with me beacuse that past is still me. I'm still going to keep the same friends, the same roots, the same memories and stories but I will grow into a bigger person as I add more and more to my next story. 

This is me moving forward. 


My Journey to now: read earlier "essays" covering similar topics that led to me writing this post- Change(1), Stuck In The Past(2), Friends Become Strangers(3) & Goodbye letters.(4)

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