4 May 2016

I really didn't see things ending up the way they have. There was a time a called you were my best friend and that's weird to think about. Staying at each other's houses, making up the stupidest dance routines, even going away together.I felt like I could trust you with anything but things changed. Just like they always do. 

You started to grow up into one person and I started to grow up into another and I think we both accepted that quite early on.But still, we didn't want to lose each other and our friendship continued all the way up to year 11. I think, for you, I was a reminder of the old you and while that was comforting, you didn't always want the constant reminder of how you used to be. But now, I'd like to think you miss that because how you now makes me nothing more than sad. While I wish you feel that, little things tell me you don't as while I still have pictures of us together all over my facebook page with albums of old memories, I go on to your profile and all I see is the "Add as a Friend". It might be something stupid but that was the big giveaway that things had changed and there's little of chance of things going back.

You know, there was even a point when I blamed myself. Should I have tried harder to keep in touch, maybe tried to stop you from getting into the wrong crowd? But then I thought, how? How would I have been able to single-handedly take you away from your new friends and the new life you live?

It had been a year since high school when I next saw you and I looked at you and didn't recognise you. The bags under your eyes, the way you dressed, the way you spoke. You were a stranger to me. That was until one of us made a joke and we both giggled and it was like we'd never been apart and that made me sad. There was still this naive, hilarious girl who had no care in the world under all that persona you seem to put up.

I'll admit it, it got to the point where I was hearing so many stories of what you'd be doing and shaking my head wondering how this happened and, yes, blaming myself. But I soon realised it's your life, you have to make these mistakes and, you might disagree now, but that is just what they are. 

I'm sick of hearing stories of you verbally attacking people who you once called your friends just to please your new ones in an attempt to gain their respect when, at the end of the day,  all you look like is a fool. I really hope you realise what's happened to you these past few years hasn't been, in my eyes, for the best and you realise you've got to change and you can. I saw the side of you that time that everyone loved you and it's the side of you that's the real you so why hide it?

Knowing that I've lost you to a life that is just not right hurts me so much and knowing I can't help you makes it even more painful. Please realise what you're doing to yourself, what you're doing to the people who loved you and change. Change for the better and know that I'll always be here as an old friend who doesn't need facebook to tell me that. But, for now, it's goodbye. 

Sarah x

More from my goodbye letters: intro/disclaimer // Dear Watson // Dear Spongebob // Dear 2013 

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